You Really Need To Master Your Pizza Etiquette

Too many people have been humiliated and ridiculed because of their pizza-eating etiquette. Politicians, celebrities, and the rest of us regular folk have been the subject of disapproving comments and stares as we hungrily devoured that slice of pizza, without any awareness that we were eating this wonderful food totally wrong. It's now time to repair your pizza-eating etiquette mistakes for good.

The most reliable, ever-acceptable way to eat pizza is with your hands. If you're eating a regular, thin-crust slice of pizza, do not reach for a knife and fork, but pick it up with your fingers. It may not seem hygienic or polite, but this is the method that will allow you to be welcomed into the expert pizza-eating world. If there are lots of toppings, or to stop the edges from dripping all over your lap, simply fold the pizza in half to create a "U" shape, and start eating it immediately. Don't hang around, or the pizza will start sagging, and you'll end up with a tomato-y mess down your top. Obviously, you should eat the tip first: Never start from the crust — that would be one of the most amateur mistakes you could make.

However, there are, of course, exceptions to this rule. The first is deep dish pizza. The second is if you're having dinner at someone's house and pizza is served, forget all your pizza etiquette knowledge and do as they do. Although you may know better, and will instinctively go to pick up a slice with your fingers, you should follow the host's lead. If they're using a knife and fork, copy them. This is their home and their party: You may know better, but disguise your know-how for an evening and eat in a way they consider correct, acceptable, and polite.