Expert Weighs In On The Restaurant Etiquette You Need To Know

No elbows on the dinner table. Say please and thank you. Put your napkin on your lap. Even if you didn't attend the "Princess Diaries" school of etiquette, there's a good chance that one or more of these basics were probably drilled into you by your parents, grandparents, or an overbearing elder or two.

Of course, some rules are outdated, and etiquette has certainly changed since the days when our grandparents were being taught how to behave at the dinner table. But learning to act politely can just mean being more aware of how to make others present feel more comfortable and respected — and that certainly doesn't go out of style. Nikesha Tannehill Tyson, a Certified Etiquette Consultant and Senior Etiquette Trainer at The Swann School of Protocol, gave us three restaurant etiquette rules that have stood the test of time and will help you put your best foot forward on a date, at a birthday party, or when having lunch with a friend at Panera. There's no wrong place to be polite!

The first rule is broad, and covers a lot of common dining faux pas. "Engage with your tablemates and be fully present," Tyson urges. "Place phones on silent and put it away to enjoy the moment." She also encourages respect for your tablemates' space — don't put your handbag on the table, for example — and respect for the wait staff, too. If you're attending a fancier meal, she added that you should leave an appropriate tip and do some research beforehand to make sure you understand the table setting layout.

Nikesha Tannehill Tyson says that one of the most commonly broken rules of dining etiquette is not leaving personal items on the table. Apart from taking up space and making it harder for your fellow diners and server to arrange plates and cups, leaving your bag or your cell phone on the table can divide your attention. Instead, Tyson says you should place your handbag on your lap, behind you in your chair, in an empty chair, or on the floor.

As for phones? Put them away and silence them. When you choose to share a meal with someone, you're agreeing to give them your attention as well. Even if you're not checking it, one 2017 study by the University of Chicago found that "the mere presence of [cell phones] reduces available cognitive capacity." In other words, having your phone visible on the table and constantly resisting the urge to pick it up uses a portion of your brain power that you could otherwise use to engage in table conversation. With that in mind, here's what Tyson advises on what to do if your mobile rings: "If you are expecting a call, communicate with your table mates, [and] be sure to excuse yourself to take your call."

Of course, you should extend that same level of respect and courtesy to your waiter or waitress. She said there are a few practical ways to do this — saying please and thank you and your server by their name are some good basics. Additionally, being calm and kind in communicating an error if there is a problem with your order is a simple — but important! — factor in being a polite and collected restaurant diner.

Putting your phone away and being a generally nice person while dining out? Very doable. But if you're preparing for a fancier dinner at, say, a fine dining establishment, what extra tips do you need to keep in mind to make sure your manners are up-to-par for the upper-class experience? 

First of all, Nikesha Tannehill Tyson says it's important to understand the table setting and how the courses will progress throughout the evening. For silverware, start on the outside with the salad fork or soup spoon and work your way in. She also recommends using the acronym B.M.W. — for bread, meal, and water — to remember the order of your table setting plates and cup. Still confused? Tyson has an additional tip to keep you doing things right when the amount of forks is starting to make your head spin. "You can also watch your host and follow their cues," she says.

It's also crucial to keep in mind that your obligations as an conscientious diner don't end after your last bite of food — you need to make sure you leave a proper tip for your wait staff, per Tyson. Typically, 18% to 20% is expected, but you can also tip a higher percentage if you had a very large party or if the service was especially notable. All in all, if you follow and practice Tyson's tips, you'll find your average dining experience to be more enjoyable — not just for you, but for everyone.