Every Hostess Snack, Ranked Worst To First

It would be hard to imagine a world without the Twinkie or the Ding Dong in it. In fact, most us have never actually lived in that world, as the Hostess brand has been churning out delectable sweets for over 100 years. While some of its snacks have been around for a long time, Hostess continues to add to its roster of tantalizing treats, introducing both new flavors of old standbys and modern twists on trendy, crave-worthy delights.

With so many items to choose from, it might be hard to decide which Hostess snack you want to indulge in for an afternoon pick-me-up or a post-dinner sugar craving. Sure, we all have our nostalgic favorites, but if you haven't actually taken the time to sample all of the snacks Hostess makes, you might just be missing out on something special.

That's where I come in. I saw an opportunity to do my civic duty by snagging one of every flavor of Hostess snack I could find, and trying them all. Once I came down from my several-day-long sugar high, I ranked them all for you, from worst to first. You might just want to take some notes on this one.

I'm certain I'll face some backlash over my pick for the worst Hostess snack, but I have some rationale behind my selection. Since Cupcakes were the first treat introduced by Hostess, there are obviously a lot of fans out there. While I didn't outright hate these, I found some of the flavors to be unappealing, and the structure of these snacks to be rather mundane compared with many of the other snacks offered by Hostess.

The three flavors I sampled were the classic Chocolate, Strawberry, and Orange varieties. I probably should have started with the Chocolate, as I couldn't get past the flavor of the Orange one to even evaluate the texture. There was something medicinal about these that was tremendously off-putting. The Strawberry was better, but only just. It had a somewhat less artificial flavor, but still tasted more like the idea of the fruit than the real deal.

Of the three, the Chocolate was by far the best. That said, it was still rather basic. The cake itself was tender, but the creamy filling was unevenly dispersed and it had a strange aftertaste that I couldn't put my finger on.

There is no denying that Sno-Balls Snack Cakes are adorable and they have a cult-like following. They are pretty in pink and I wish I loved them, but I didn't. That surprised me because, in theory, I enjoy every ingredient in this treat, including marshmallows, coconut, and chocolate cake. Unfortunately, this particular combination of them wasn't my favorite.

The aroma started out promising, with lots of coconut coming through. I also enjoyed the springy texture of these, which is thanks to the marshmallow. What I didn't love was the marshmallow itself, which was more akin to fluff. While there's a time and place for fluff, the magic of a good-quality marshmallow is in its pillowy texture and sweet, but not cloying flavor. This marshmallow was so sugary that it masked even the coconut, never mind the chocolate cake and creamy filling, which felt like kind of an afterthought.

While I hunted far and wide, the only flavor of Zingers I could obtain was the Raspberry, although I wasn't sad about that. I love raspberry-flavored anything and, again, coconut is something I'm quite fond of, so I was eager to dive into these sweet treats. Though these weren't bad, per se, they were just okay, which landed them next on this ranking.

The vanilla cake itself was of decent quality, moist, not too sweet, and tender. But the filling was that same synthetic-flavored creamy goo that I just do not enjoy. Additionally, any raspberry flavor present was overwhelmed by the coconut. This was the kind of dried coconut that tends to remain in your mouth no matter how long you chew. It has a gritty texture and an aggressive flavor that isn't well-balanced. If this treat had a raspberry-flavored creamy center to counterbalance the coconut, it would have been more to my liking.

Ding Dongs are the next snack on this ranking. Again, this is not a reflection of their popularity, as this sweet treat has been a staple on the Hostess roster for quite some time. I just happen to think they aren't the best quality product made by the brand, especially among the chocolate-flavored items.

The aroma of the Ding Dongs was pleasantly chocolatey. When it came to the texture of the cake itself, though, this particular batch was dry rather than soft and fluffy. I also felt as though the filling-to-cake ratio was a bit off. It was as if the machinery that filled the Ding Dongs somehow misfired and only injected half of the cake.

My biggest issue with Ding Dongs was the artificiality of the creamy filling, which is in keeping with the previous treats on this ranking. In addition, while the texture of the fudge icing encasing these cakes was pleasant, in my opinion, it was too sweet. I would have preferred something a little less sugary to help offset the other sweet elements.

When it comes to the great tradition of laminated pastries, one of the most delectable types is the classic Danish. Like croissants, these filled pastries should have a delicate, layered structure that's light and fluffy. Perhaps it was a mistake to go into this tasting of Hostess Danishes with these expectations in mind but, alas, that's what I did, and doing so was a big bummer.

While I only got the opportunity to sample the Cherry Cheese variety of this Hostess snack, I am not sure the others would have altered my opinion much. I found the pastry dough to be dense, chewy, gummy, and dry. It was nothing like what I'd expect from a high-quality Danish. The flavor was also overly sweet, rather than buttery, which is necessary to offset sugary, fruity fillings.

What was even more disappointing was the filling itself. The cherry filling was actually quite flavorful and not cloying. The problem was that there was hardly any of it to be found. If there had been more, I might have been less critical of the pastry. Overall, this was more of a miss than a hit.

When it comes to Hostess snacks, few treats are shrouded in as many urban legends as Twinkies. From stories about how Twinkies never expire to the length of time they take to be completely digested, these snack cakes have become an indelible part of our colloquial discourse since they first appeared on the market in 1930.

I tried two flavors of Twinkies, Original and Chocolate. While they both excelled in the texture department, being fluffy and tender, the flavor of the Chocolate one was leaps and bounds above the plain golden cake variety. The original-flavored Twinkies had that characteristic artificial taste in both cake and filling that was excessively sweet. The Chocolate, on the other hand, had a much more nuanced flavor that was nowhere near as sweet, and the filling was infinitely creamier and more natural tasting.

Perhaps the one way I might enjoy the plain golden Twinkies is to air-fry them. From what I understand, this process completely transforms them, crisping up their exterior and slightly melting the creamy filling, giving it a gooey, marshmallow-like texture. That said, as-is, Twinkies just don't deliver for my finicky palate.

Donettes are next on this ranking, despite their popularity as some of the best store-brand donuts available on the market. To be fair, I only sampled three varieties of this sweet treat, Powdered, Frosted, and Crunch. That said, I feel like I got a pretty good sense of the overall quality of these donuts, which, for my taste, was just okay.

The biggest issue I had with all of the Donettes I tasted was the texture of the donuts themselves. They were quite dry and crumbly. A quality donut should be light, airy, and fluffy, with a pleasant, sweet, yet not overly sugary flavor. At least for the Donettes I tried, these weren't any of these things.

When it came to the coatings of the Donettes, the Powdered and Frosted ones were just boring. There wasn't anything particularly interesting or mind-blowing about them. The Crunch topping, on the other hand, was really good. I enjoyed the toothsome texture and the toasted coconut had a delightfully nutty flavor.

Few breakfast foods are as satiating as some good old-fashioned cinnamon rolls. Light, fluffy, and flaky, cinnamon rolls should be heaping with cinnamon flavor and coated with a delicate but luscious layer of icing that drips down your chin as you bite into them. I knew from the look of the Cinnamon Rolls made by Hostess that they weren't going to live up to this definition. That said, they weren't as bad as I thought they'd be.

When it came to cinnamon flavor, these rolls delivered. They smelled and tasted of spicy cinnamon, despite the scant filling. Where things took a turn was with the icing, which had a decent flavor, but was relatively hard and not all that exciting.

The biggest disappointment of these Cinnamon Rolls was the dough itself, which was thick and gummy, not melt-in-your-mouth flaky. In fact, it almost tasted as though the same dough was used for both these and the danishes, though I don't know that for a fact. I suspect these may have been markedly improved if I'd heated them up but, eaten as-is, they were unremarkable.

As chocolate treats go, Ho Hos are one of the better options I sampled. This rolled chocolate cake is stuffed with a crème filling and the whole thing is encased in fudgy icing, resembling something akin to a miniature Bûche de Noël or Yule Log. While this treat still had a slightly artificial flavor and aftertaste, it was markedly better than the previous chocolate snacks, particularly where the filling was concerned. It seemed to me that the filling was lighter and more flavorful, though that could have been an illusion because there was more of it.

Where this snack excelled was in the cake department. This was an extremely tender, moist cake that wasn't nearly as sweet as some of the others. It had more of a dark chocolate vibe, which I quite enjoyed. I also thought the fudge coating was well-balanced, making the whole snack quite satisfying. I'd definitely eat this one again.

When it comes to bougie restaurant-style desserts, Hostess almost delivers with its lava cake-inspired Meltamors. Don't get me wrong, these are tasty treats, and super convenient since this is a dessert that's quite challenging to create, but having made my fair share of lava cakes from scratch, I'm a touch biased by the real deal. That said, make no mistake, these chocolate lava cake lookalikes are very flavorsome.

I tried both the Double Chocolate and Chocolate Creamy Caramel flavors. I started by eating them at room temperature, as they're recommended for consumption as-is or heated in the microwave. The cakes themselves were a touch dryer than some of the top-ranking snacks, but the flavor of them was far less synthetic than some other Hostess offerings, and more like homemade cakes. They were also not as sweet in flavor, which helped to accentuate the bittersweet chocolate.

The fillings of both were super creamy and extremely flavorful. While the Double Chocolate benefited from heating, because the warmth emphasized the deep cocoa notes, the Chocolate Creamy Caramel was fantastic at room temperature, where the sticky, syrupy, golden filling wasn't melted beyond recognition. These are definitely snacks that are just about worthy of graduating to the dinner table as the capstone for a fancy meal.

Landing just shy of the top three in this ranking of Hostess snacks are Kazbars. I could only find the Chocolate ones, but these are also made in a Chocolate Caramel variety that's sure to satisfy those who have a sweet tooth.

These snack cakes, inspired entirely by chocolate bars, have the best of both worlds in one tasty bite. Each Kazbar has six layers, including a moist chocolate cake, oozing fudge filling, chocolate cream, and crunchy pieces that taste like caramel bits. These are all encased in chocolate icing and topped with a chocolate drizzle.

Chocoholics will have no beef with this snack cake. It was extremely tender and light and there wasn't an ounce of artificiality to be found in the entire thing. The filling was flavorful and creamy, and the sweetness didn't overwhelm the intense chocolate notes. The best part was, the filling-to-cake ratio was spot on. There wasn't a single bite where you didn't get all of the components in your mouth, making this a really well-balanced sweet treat.

In third place on this ranking of Hostess snacks are the Fruit Pies. These come in Apple and Cherry varieties. I had the chance to sample both. One factor that influenced my tasting notes was that the Apple ones came in mini, snack-size portions, while the Cherry ones were full-sized. This impacted the filling-to-pastry ratio, and it ended up feeling, to me, as though the Cherry variety was better-balanced.

That said, they were both great. The pastry itself was well done. It was flaky, moist, and not so dense that it overwhelmed the filling. And when it came to the filling, the apple had a better flavor, but there just wasn't enough of it. That said, it tasted like real apples, not applesauce, and it was bursting with notes of cinnamon.

The cherry filling was far superior to any you might find in a can, which can often have a medicinal quality to it. This was bright and not overly sweet, and the whole mixture was nice and even. Perhaps my only complaint about both pies was that the icing was a little overkill, but this wasn't enough of a problem to make me disqualify these from being close to top billing.

Having run a bed and breakfast for almost two decades, if there's one thing I know well, it's a classic streusel-style coffee cake. Few things are more satisfying first thing in the morning than some of this cake with a hot cup of coffee, and when it comes to store-bought varieties that do not disappoint, Hostess delivers. These coffee cakes are dynamite!

From the second you open the plastic packaging, the aroma of cinnamon wafts through the air, enticing you to take a bite of the perfectly portioned cake. The cake itself is delicate, fluffy, and super moist. The flavor of the cake is sweet, but not cloying, and it has a from-scratch flavor that's very welcoming.

Perhaps my only criticism of these was that I wanted a bit more cinnamon swirled throughout the cake and I thought the streusel topping was a bit haphazardly spread across the top of the treat. This led to one bite having a lot of streusel, while the next had hardly any. That said, this was a minor thing. Eat these cakes as-is, or pop them into the microwave for a few seconds to heat them up, for something truly delightful.

In first place on this ranking of Hostess snacks are the Baby Bundts. These lip-puckering snack cakes are a delight. They are loaded with real lemon flavor and are the perfect afternoon pick-me-up with a cup of hot tea. Each little cake is adorable, and the ideal size for something satisfying, but not too large to fill you up.

The cakes themselves were super moist, fluffy, and loaded with lemon flavor. The lemon drizzle was a welcome accent, not synthetic and not overkill. Just a burst of fresh flavor to help lend some brightness to an already scintillating treat. If your taste buds aren't perked up by these snack cakes, try popping one into the microwave to warm it up a bit. This will help mellow out the lemon notes and make the whole thing melt in your mouth. These little cakes get an A+ grade from me and I'd gladly serve them for breakfast or high tea.

The methodology I used to rank all of these Hostess snacks isn't exactly brain science. That said, I may come at the sampling from a slightly unusual perspective. As a professional chef with nearly 18 years of experience, I've made homemade versions of many of these treats, so I suppose you could say I have a bit of a bias based on this fact. I tend to favor treats made from scratch, though I do enjoy the convenience and nostalgia that these snacks have to offer.

While I factored in all of my senses in determining the ranking of these snacks, texture and flavor were the most important qualities that I used to evaluate each. Those snacks with the best mouthfeel and a taste that wasn't overtly synthetic fared better than ones that were on the artificial end of things. Additionally, when possible, I sampled as many varieties of each type of treat as I could find, and based my ranking on the aggregate score for all of the flavors, which in some cases helped and in others hurt certain snacks.