The Rude Dining Habit You Should Always Avoid (And Why It's So Bad)
It's safe to say that dinner is a stressful meal. And, when coupled with the rising cost of groceries, it can even become unenjoyable. Inspiring Savings summarizes that groceries can cost anywhere between $90 to $330 weekly, depending on family size and level of practical shopping. It also typically takes about 40 minutes to make dinner for two but can extend to over an hour for families of four (via USDA).
Dinner is a hassle — especially if you are the host. The worst part? The downfall happens all too quickly. What starts as a fun evening with friends can suddenly become a tiresome event with no way out. Planning, shopping, creating, and serving (let's not forget cleanup) can cause undesired stress. However, once dinner is made, the chaos seems to settle down. Then someone makes an unsolicited suggestion.
Backhanded compliments are a tricky thing to maneuver. According to the Cambridge Dictionary, this term describes awkward comments that are both flattering and disrespectful. They often incorporate words with negative connotations, like "surprisingly" or "actually," and can be incredibly confusing for the receiver. Take your friend's new haircut, for example. Labeling their hairdo as "interesting" or "surprisingly good" can make them feel like it's anything but that. Unfortunately, these comments often appear in more than just one social setting. Parties, sporting events, family functions, or even one-on-one conversations with a friend. But perhaps the worst is when it's time to dig in at the dinner table.
'ICE' isn't cool
Whether you know it or not, you've probably taken part in Invidious Comparison Eating (ICE). Huff Post reports that ICE occurs when one diner makes an apathetic suggestion or unsupportive remark comparing the chef's dish to the diner's preferences. Often, these remarks are delivered cheekily, though their words are unintentionally crass or insulting.
Why is comparing ingredients or cooking methods considered a rude habit? For starters, food is expensive. Poor People's Campaign shows that almost half of the American population is poverty-stricken or low-income. This means it can be challenging to afford groceries every week, especially those that include expensive dairy or poultry products. So, if you don't particularly enjoy a certain ingredient, it's best to keep that opinion to yourself — the preparer may not have had another option.
ICE comments commonly appear online, especially for the TikTok account @dollartreedinners. The content creator, who makes recipes from Dollar Tree foods, is often on the receiving end of those offhand remarks. In a video showcasing a Thanksgiving spread for under $20, one viewer suggested, "Try frozen carrots next time and add honey and brown sugar! Canned carrots taste weird." Others quickly showed their support, like TikTok user @iitsmarcy, who commented, "This is amazing! I know it can be a struggle for people during the holidays because of the food cost, but this is AMAZING!" Now, this isn't to say constructive criticism cannot be relayed. You've just got to know when to do it.
Wait to share your thoughts
Today notes that ICE is not new, though the term has increasingly become more popular. It is often ingrained in the comparison and sharing of recipes and can create a snowball effect at the dinner table. You most likely know the feeling: once one person makes a suggestive or "helpful" comment, so do the rest of your guests. Ultimately, you're left wondering why you were even in charge of cooking. But there are ways to share those generational tips and tricks without the condescending effect. So, when is the best time to do it, and how should it be phrased?
According to Eating Well, the best way to share your thoughts is by waiting for the host to ask for them. No one likes to hear unsolicited critiques from guests who deem themselves food critics, so it's best to wait for the host before commenting. Still, this can cross a fine line. Good Housekeeping reports that being too harsh or honest can make the preparer uncomfortable and possibly lower their self-esteem. That said, it's best to compliment first, relay your thoughts in a supportive or positive manner, and end with another compliment.
Outside of ICE, there are plenty of food etiquette guidelines to follow. Chewing with your mouth open, resting your elbows on the table, and belching are a few primary offenses (though the latter is a compliment in some cultures). But above all, remember to thank your host for their hard work.