Ways To Make Dinner Dates Less Awkward
There's a serious amount of emotional weight put on dinner dates: The fancy atmosphere, expensive wines, and slightly too formal clothing can make it feel like an interview for your personal life. You may be left with the impression that the meal or conversation topic you choose could determine the rest of your life. It shouldn't be like that.
Dinner dates don't have to be awkward — they can even be fun. Honest. We're all different and unique, and there's a fun dating experience out there for everyone. If things go really well, according to The Takeout, you can even get married in a Taco Bell — hot sauce packet bouquets very much included. Not a fan of a Crunchwrap Supreme? Well, you could have your wedding at a Dunkin' Donuts drive-thru instead: Sugar Good and John Thompson chose to get married there because that's where they met.
There are a million ways to do dinner dates, and just as many ways to make them less awkward. Let's explore some of the best ideas.
1. Keep it casual
Dinner dates can be especially daunting if they take place at a fancy restaurant. This is because you might feel forced out of your comfort zone, dressed in uncomfortable, formal clothing, and ordering tiny meals on large plates filled with alien ingredients and garnishes. As Hello Giggle explains, a fancy restaurant doesn't necessarily show you as you really are. You're pressured to watch your manners to an abnormal degree, and you can't even laugh out loud for fear the waiter will shush you. Carli Alexa Blau, a relationship expert said (via Bustle): "Going to a fancy restaurant on a first date might make you feel like you have to be on your best behavior, making you tense up rather than just [being] yourself."
A good way to make dinner dates less awkward is to choose an unpretentious place to eat, like a café, diner, or even fast food joint. These create a sense of comfort that makes you both feel at ease and much more likely to behave naturally. The Takeout tells an encouraging story about a couple who had their first date at Jollibee, a Filipino fast food chain. They ended up getting married there — perhaps proof that starting comfortable and relaxed can lead to great things.
2. Choose a quiet place
Few things are as awkward as having to repeat yourself over and over again. After asking "what?" twice in a row, do you keep asking, or just smile, say yes, and nod your head? This is awkward in any given situation, let alone on a first date when you're actually trying to get to know the other person. Luckily, there's a simple solution to this: Find a quiet place, be it a restaurant, bar, café, or something in between. If you're into it, tea rooms are usually a safe bet. As Beniya Mukayu explains, the traditional Japanese tea ceremony is founded on silence. Modern tea rooms might have changed a bit, but as the Seven Cups Tucson Teahouse confirms, they're still quiet places to enjoy the flavors as well as good conversation.
As per a 2022 Seven Rooms dating survey, 43% of people won't return to a restaurant that was louder than expected. This goes to show just how important hearing each other talk is — after all, you're trying to figure out whether you want to see the other person again. Whether you choose a familiar place or you Google quiet spots in your town, make sure you amp up the atmosphere for quality conversation.
3. Address the awkward silence
Awkward silence is to be expected at the first few dinner dates. Whether it's not knowing what topic to bring up, or worrying about your date's impression of you, it's perfectly normal to feel a little quiet and weird. Well, that's the catch — it's not weird, it's normal, so why not talk about it? According to dating coach and author Mark Rosenfeld, addressing the awkward silence takes away all its weight and creates a sense of comfort: "When you address the elephant in the room, it stops becoming an elephant. By talking about the awkward silence, you actually dissolve it."
You can discuss why there is awkward silence at dinner dates in the first place, talk about even more awkward moments from your past, or simply joke about it. Whichever way you choose to address it, you're bringing your date on the same team as you, uniting in regular human awkwardness, rather than trying hard to fill the gaps with weird questions and hoping they don't notice. Psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson told Bustle: "Just by naming what is actually happening, you immediately lessen the tension and give your date permission to be radically genuine, too." This is what dinner dates are all about — getting to know the other person for who they really are.
4. Order the same food
A major part of dinner dates is, of course, the food. If making a good verbal impression wasn't enough, you also have to choose a meal that doesn't give the wrong impression about you (garden salads and well-done steaks included), and that doesn't cover your face in red sauce. Whatever you end up choosing, however, might just get better if your date opts for the same thing, too.
According to a 2016 University of Chicago study (via Science Direct), eating the same meal as your date builds trust and creates a sense of cooperation. The researchers even took it up a notch, proving that strangers who eat the same meal earned more money in labor negotiation and conflict resolution scenarios: They simply trusted each other more than the couples who didn't share a meal. And, as it turns out, eating the same meal builds more trust than wearing the same color shirts. If you do get red sauce on your face, at least it'll be like looking in the mirror for your date. You might even have a good story to tell afterward.
5. Sit next to each other
Perhaps it's the many classic movie scenes that inspire us to sit across from our dates. Or perhaps it's a bit of social caution — remember the Seinfeld "Schmoopie" scene? No one wants to look like that. But sitting next to each other in a restaurant or café has more than a few perks. For starters, you make the date feel less interview-like. "Love Life" host Matthew Hussey explains that sitting opposite each other is a recipe for awkwardness: "When there's a silence, there's nowhere for you to look ... If you're sitting either adjacent to someone or next to them ... you can watch the world together." Indeed, there will always be an interesting painting, inspiring scenery, or funny bartender to talk about, as long as you're both watching the same thing.
Dating coach Mark Rosenfeld explains that sitting opposite each other at a close distance is awkward in any given situation: "Strangers on a bus can sit right next to each other and have no worries. But if you sit them across from each other, it's much more awkward, especially if the distance is close." So, although it might seem like you're invading your date's personal space by moving next to them, you're actually giving them more space by making them feel less cornered (or interviewed). Plus, if the date is going well, you might benefit from the closeness of being right next to them.
6. Know your wines
If you do end up at a restaurant for your dinner date, you might have to pick a bottle of wine. This can be another opportunity for awkwardness — if you're not a connoisseur, you might order something that doesn't go with the food, or you might worry what the other person thinks of your wine knowledge, or lack thereof. As per The Takeout, when choosing a wine for a dinner date, there's only one magic word you should be thinking of: pairing. In other words, what goes with what?
Red wine with red meat and white wine with seafood are timeless classics, but you can of course get more creative than that. Lighter tastes (like seafood or mushroom risotto) require lighter, fresher wines. But these can be red (Pinot Noir), white (Sauvignon Blanc), or rosé (Provence). And richer, spicier foods can pair well with sweeter wines, again, no matter the color — Wine Folly gives a list of reputable sweet wines you should never be ashamed to order. And according to Ars Technica, astringent, high-tannin red wines go best with proteins, like cheese platters, and rare steaks.
Finally, don't be afraid to ask the waiter or sommelier for wine recommendations, as they're the ones that know what they're talking about. If your date is judgy about your insufficient wine knowledge ... maybe they're not the one for you.
7. Get tactile
One of the most awkward aspects of dinner dates is the tactile aspect: Who initiates touch, when, and how much is too much? There's no universal answer as every situation is different. But according to "Love Life" host Matthew Hussey, it's important you establish touch — with consent — early on in the date, as prolonging the moment will end up making the first contact much more difficult: "The mistake [people] make is they say, 'I don't know this person very well and I certainly don't want to seem too keen, so I'm not going to get very tactile' ... The longer you leave it before introducing touch, the more awkward it becomes."
A quick and easy way to break the ice is to hug your date when you meet them — it's warm, friendly, and not that scary. Hello hugs are a gateway to light touches that you can do throughout the date ... should you both want this. Of course, if the date isn't going that well (or isn't what you expected), you have no obligation to get tactile, and probably shouldn't. Stay in touch with your own feelings and ask yourself if you're enjoying the company of the other person. Importantly, you do also need to make sure your date is happy and consents to any level of touch. If you do like your date and want to kiss them at the end, it's much less awkward if you've already established touch.
8. Eat date-friendly foods
Dinner dates can get notoriously awkward if there's red pasta sauce on your face or broccoli between your teeth. If it's the first date, there's a strong chance the other person won't point it out. Among the best ideas for a dinner date are sushi and tapas, both of which are bite-sized and can be shared. They come in all shapes and sizes, there are vegan options, and you can start with a small platter, ordering more if the date is going well.
Italian foods have a fairly bad rep when it comes to dates, but you don't have to order spaghetti bolognese. Bite-sized pasta like penne or ziti is safer, and the same goes for any kind of risotto. Pizza doesn't have to be an enemy, either — just take it slice by slice, or use cutlery. The list goes on: gyoza, quesadilla, fried chicken, and even small, non-chocolatey desserts can be perfectly elegant, as long as they're not drenched in sauce.
Conversely, if a meal is covered in sauce, better stay away from it. As The Recipe points out, anything that can drip on you (ramen, soup dumplings), or make you look like an animal (BBQ ribs, giant hamburgers), is better saved for non-date occasions. And it goes without saying, stay away from spinach and broccoli.
9. Don't pregame it
It's perfectly acceptable to be a bit nervous about a dinner date, and the other person probably feels the same. But what is also known as "liquid courage" is more of a recipe for disaster than success. Pregaming the date — or drinking alcohol beforehand — means you don't trust yourself enough to meet and talk to a person sober. Furthermore, if you meet your date in an altered state, they don't even get to know the real you.
There are several other problems with pregaming the date. As Insider explains, it can be quite a big turnoff to smell like alcohol or start off by discussing very personal issues. And, as per Elite Daily, pregaming a date can easily lead to getting drunk, very quickly. You don't want to be several drinks deeper than your date, even if you believe you have a high tolerance level. When you're drunk, you can't always tell you're behaving differently. Imagine how awkward it is for your date to notice this. So, to avoid making dinner dates even more awkward than they already can be, maybe choose a bar where you can start with a drink to loosen up, if that's what you need — but do it together.
10. Expect to pay your way
If you're waiting for the other person to take out their wallet or phone (or raise their Apple Watch) at the end of the meal, it can turn awkward quickly. As The Takeout explains, there is a long-standing issue about who should pay on a date, with many different opinions on the subject. In 2019, Daily Dot shared an incident where a man, disappointed he didn't get any sex at the end of his dinner date, ranted online about how the woman he met ordered an expensive meal: "She hijacked a $15-$25 first meet to a full dinner ... with no desert [sic]." Needless to say, several users criticized his entitlement and misogynistic discourse.
Of course, it can go the other way, too — another incident involved a female student ordering lobster and a $90 bottle of wine, then becoming outraged her student date refused to pay for her meal. As dating coach Mark Rosenfeld explains, entitlement is unsexy in any shape or form: Men don't have to pay for meals, and women don't have to offer anything in return. He explains: "When you offer to pay for yourself, you communicate something really powerful — that you believe you are his equal." Rather than make any assumptions and create a potentially awkward situation, be prepared to pay your way.
11. Leave your phone alone
It might be fun, at one point during the date, to Google things together. But there's always a chance you'll get a text from your friend asking about the date, or even from another potential date: In the modern world of dating apps, it's fairly commonplace to chat with several people simultaneously. This would certainly lead to an awkward situation. And, as Elite Daily makes abundantly clear, never spend time on your phone next to your date — it's very rude. The whole purpose of a dinner date is to get to know that person better, so give them a few hours of undivided attention.
Bolde tells the story of a couple who leave their phones at home when they go on dates. As they replaced the silent Instagram-scrolling moments with moments of comfortable silence and focused conversation, they started to notice their relationship blossom. Soon enough, they even started holding hands and looking at each other's faces again. If putting phones away can do so much good to a long-term relationship, imagine how much this helps an early dinner date.
12. Try a breakfast date
Perhaps an unpopular choice, but breakfast dates (or dates in the early hours of the day, over coffee or tea) can feel much more real and less intimidating than dinner dates. According to The Takeout, there are several benefits to breakfast dates: There's no alcohol, they're shorter, and they come with lower expectations, creating a much more comfortable place to start than a fancy restaurant. There's another pro to a shorter date, as relationship expert Carli Alexa Blau explains (via Bustle): "If you grab a drink and realize the chemistry is there, that can always lead to grabbing a bite to eat afterward."
Indeed, when you meet a person for the first time, you don't know whether you'll like them well enough to have an entrée, meal, and dessert, plus several drinks. As Cosmopolitan explains, dinner dates can lead to being stuck with an unpleasant date for hours, when you already know you want to get out. Breakfast dates are a cool alternative — it's easy to find a quiet, welcoming spot that serves good coffee and croissants, and it'll feel less formal if you're both dressed casually. Plus, if the date goes really well, you might even have the whole day ahead to enjoy.