The Thanksgiving Questions We Hate
For some reason, holidays have a way of bringing out the underlying tension in even the most Walton-esque families. Maybe it's because conversation runs short when you're thrown together with seldom-seen loved ones for an entire day and evening, or maybe it's because some people are just terrible at small talk. But no matter what the reason, be prepared to answer at least one uncomfortable question.
“Are You Seeing Anyone?”
The holidays can be the absolute worst time to be single, what with endless holiday parties at which hosts hound you for the name of your plus-one and well-meaning family members who can't stop trying to comfort you, as if being single were some kind of terminal disease. If you don't feel like answering, the famous Ann Landers staple, "Why do you ask?" is the best way to shut this question down.
“But Don’t You Want Kids?”
If you haven't managed to procreate by the time you hit your late twenties, some people start to wonder if you're defective. Just smile and say you're more afraid of missing your chance to see Micronesia.
“Did You Ever End Up Doing Anything With That Degree?”
Millennials have gotten the short end of the stick when it comes to job prospects, and the same generation that told us we had to go to college back in the early aughts now loves to ridicule our "worthless" degrees. Just tell them you hung your MFA in an amazing salvaged wood frame that you made by hand for your advanced woodworking practicum and that it looks absolutely charming with your vintage velvet sofa.
“Is That All You’re Eating?”
It doesn't matter how much you pile on your plate, for some sweet Grandmas, it's never enough. God bless these amazing women. Make sure you answer with a big hug and a long list of all the reasons her stuffing is the best in the world.
“Seconds? Are You Sure?”
Of course, on the opposite side of the coin are the portion police, who remember to the pound how much you weighed last year and disapprove of your body no matter what the shape. The only response to this person is a mouthful of delicious mashed potatoes.
“Will You Fix My iPad, iPhone, or Laptop?”
Just turn it off and turn it back on again, then sit back and appreciate being hailed as a genius.
“What’s a Startup?”
Say startups are the same as Facebook. Everyone will feel instantly cool for understanding the reference. Do not, under any circumstances, mention Twitter, which confuses anyone under 40.
“Aren’t You Scared Of Ebola?”
Bonding over a mutual terror of infectious disease can actually be a good way to find common ground between yourself and relatives with whom you have little in common. Duh. Just be sure to down-play your concern if you live in a big city; small-town relatives are probably anxious enough as it is.
“Why Don’t You Come Home More?”
A little white lie about being super busy at work never hurt anyone, especially your mother.