Rules For How To Behave In A Bar

"I think as a society we're losing our ability to be social," remarked Philip Duff, renowned Amsterdam bar owner and beverage consultant. "We need books now to tell us how to be nice, how to make small talk? Really?"

This coming from someone who is self-described as one of the least well-behaved men in the industry. And who, even more fittingly, made the observation while leading a seminar on "How to Behave in a Bar" at last weekend's Manhattan Cocktail Classic.

His co-host, longtime bartender Angus Winchester, chimed in: "In restaurants people know how to behave, in bars, people just get sloppy." He noted that bar rules are becoming an increasingly popular feature at establishments across the world — he found them at 85 bars internationally, in fact. Things like "No PDA at PDT" or "Know what you want, know what your friend wants, have money, and say please and thank you," which is the code at San Francisco's R Bar.

Below are highlights from the lecture, some bar etiquette to keep in mind for your next visit to the local watering hole. (You know, in case you forget that it's probably not a good idea to tip with quarters or snap your fingers at a bartender to get their attention.) Remember: Manners cost nothing and are worth millions.

1. Read the cocktail menu before ordering, and when you have the bartender's attention, know what you want (and what your friend wants, too).

2. Also, know the kind of establishment you're frequenting. If you're at reservation-only, super-cool speakeasy known for making the best craft cocktails in town, don't order a Long Island Iced Tea or a round of Jägerbombs (and definitely don't get mad if they won't serve them).

3. Don't ask "Make me something good" or "What is good today?" Says Duff, "you'll get chicken."

4. It would be better instead to ask what the bartender likes making. But if you're going to ask for a recommendation, take it. 

5. Don't order rude or "nasty sounding" drinks, it's demeaning to both parties. (As Duff so eloquently put it: "You kiss your mother with that mouth?") Basically, don't order a drink with a name that includes a body part that is normally covered with clothing.

6. Always tip well on the first round, and never tip with coins (unless perhaps you're in Europe).

7. Don't expect a free drink or ask what the bar's "buyback" policy is — especially before you've even ordered your first drink.

8. Don't order each individual round of drinks with a credit card — please run a tab.

9. Don't snap your fingers or whistle at the bartender to get their attention. "Lassie is not going to make your drinks."  

10. Don't confuse service with servant. 

11. No PDA in the bar, keep hands and tongues to yourself. Remember, this is their office — just because the lights are low and you're drinking doesn't make it OK. 

12. Don't order a "slow drink" at a busy bar. Asking for something like a Ramos Gin Fizz (the original recipe requires that the drink be shaken for 12 minutes) in a crowded bar isn't going to win you any friends. 

13. Don't expect the bartender to know everything about every drink that has ever existed. And no "geeking out" unless you know the recipe (and as Duff points out, "there's really no excuse with iPhones these days).

14. Don't name drop.

15. Bartenders, if you're out at another bar, don't expect special service just because you're "in the biz." And if you're visiting a friend who works behind the bar, don't expect them to have a ton of time to socialize with you. "You may be off duty, but they're not." 

16. Also to the fellow bartenders: You are there to enjoy, not to have a lesson. Don't stare at the bartender's every move — you can watch, but don't stare. 

17. Don't steal menus, ask if you can have a copy.

18. Last but not least, the universal rule of life holds true: Say please and thank you.