For The Love Of Clams Slideshow

If there are three perfect fried foods in the world, the other two are chicken and potatoes. In the case of the clam, that is due to the textural sensation of the golden coating juxtaposed against the salty sweetness of the entrapped clam. However, caveat emptor: there are fried clams, and then there are fried clams. More specifically, fried clam strips, which use only a portion of the whole clam, yield an unworthy breading-to-clam ratio.

Instead, what you want is the whole clam belly, well-coated and properly fried in clean, hot oil, to produce the total joy that comes from the soft, seaworthy oozing revealed upon mastication. A squeeze of lemon is fine, and perhaps a tiny dip of homemade tartar sauce might enhance the heavenly happiness. But none for Julie. 

Here I refer to the soft shell bivalves known as "steamers." Best when served in the aforementioned bucket, they do require a little work before ingestion. That is, one must perform somewhat of a culinary circumcision by pulling off the small, black foreskin-like membrane covering the clam neck.

Don't be put off by this quick and easy procedure — when these plump-from-the-sea sand-dwellers are good and fresh, they want for nothing more than the briefest bath in hot clam broth accompanying their arrival for the purpose of removing extraneous sand particles. Sure, you could dip 'em into the warm melted butter, but when their succulent, bulbous bellies are at their eating peak, they're so sweet that you shouldn't have to. And Julie don't get none.

Aka Clams Oreganata and Clams Casino. Some places chop up clams and fill a large clam shell with a little clam and a lot of breading. Don't go to those places. The experience you should pay for is the whole clam, its own half-shell stuffed with fresh, seasoned bread crumbs, placed under a hot broiler so as to render it browned and just crisp enough.

Then, one sucks out the entire production at once, creating a cacophonous culinary crescendo of clam and crumb in your watering mouth. A proper baked clam is a thing of beauty — sweet, salty, crunchy, and a little chewy. Clams Casino, by the way, include a little bit of bacon, adding another flavorful dimension to an already wondrous composition. Disgusting? Au contraire, Julie.

You've got your creamy New England variety and your tomato-based Manhattan version. Each has its proponents and detractors. Although neither will hurt you, if I had to choose only one to warm the cockles of my heart on a dreary, damp, rainy day, it would have to be New England's.

Chock-full of moist potatoes and generous, chunks of Quahog clams peeking out from a rich, velvety clam broth, often accented by a slightly smoky hint of bacon. Sorry, Julie, only tomato soup for you.

They may not be too common to come by, but if you like clams, come by one. The clam pizza at Zuppardi's in West Haven, Conn., for example, is made with just-shucked clams and a hint of fresh garlic on a perfectly blistered pizza crust.

There is no cheese on this pie, nor tomato sauce. Rather, imagine something akin to a paper-thin, piping hot bruschetta topped with gossamer clams and a sauce produced by the very liquid they release upon baking. Say what you might about clam pie; this is a work of gastronomic art. I've also had it with mozzarella and it is none too shabby. Alas, Julie won't be having a slice.

Julie also won't be enjoying a perfect plate of al dente pasta populated by whole baby clams, aroused by garlic, swimming ever so lightly in a shallow pool of goodness produced by olive oil with perhaps a hit of butter that has been suffused by the juicy juice of the clams themselves. On behalf of all Americans — with the exception of Julie — I'd like to thank the Italians for this elegant contribution to civilization.

Let us not leave out the Chinese when it comes to plaudits for excellent clam combinations. In this formidable pairing, one licks the clam from the shell and immediately notices its natural sweetness when set against the pungent black sauce. Julie will have to make due with the white rice on the side.

Served "on the half shell," this is pleasure of the pristine variety. Although Little Necks have come to stand for a size categorization, their name is said to have derived from the source where they were originally cultivated, Little Neck Bay. That's in Queens, N.Y., where I coincidentally fell for my first love, Gina Maria Imbriola Theresa Camiletti.

My second love: clams. You might opt for the cherrystones, which are larger, thicker, and chewier, but also delightful. In either case, they require no more than a squirt of lemon and a touch of horseradish-studded cocktail sauce with a splash of Tabasco. But please, not too much; it's the clam you're paying for, not sauce. And what you get for your money is a symphony of slurping the sweet, saline essence of the sea. One must appreciate the natural goodness of food with so much flavor, yet so little fat, carbs, or calories. Clams: 8. Julie: 0.

Whole, rinsed, unopened clams are placed on the grate of a hot grill, then covered. Almost miraculously, they open the second they're ready, about four to five minutes, depending on the heat of the grill and size of the clam. Once open, you remove them ever-so-gently so as not to lose a single eyedropful of the glorious liquid inside — officially known as liquor — in which they just steamed.

You proceed to vacuum out the entire clam and its intoxicating broth into your awaiting gullet and marvel at the wonder of one of the very few foods that requires not one single other ingredient to improve it. For my money, this is the very best one-ingredient dish in the world. Your friends will ask for the recipe, and you will think kindly of me.

Except, of course, for Julie.