Bridal Shower Etiquette (Slideshow)

The maid of honor, a friend or co-worker, a sister, cousin, aunt, or a family friend can plan the bridal shower and it is just fine if it's planned in a group with everyone involved. The bride, mother, and mother-in-law should be excluded from most of the party planning. The mothers can have some responsibilities but they should be limited and voluntary, keep in mind they are not obligated to help.

I know that nowadays, the rule that mothers don't throw the bridal shower seems outdated but my thought is if the mother of the bride wants to help, of course let her help, but the main planning should fall on bridesmaids, friends, and family.

It's a good idea for the hostess whose home is used as the location for the shower should be the party planning leader, the "lead hostess." If the shower is in a location other than a home, a lead hostess should be designated. Then the lead hostess is in charge of delegating responsibilities as well as establishing a budget.

At an initial meeting of hosts, the budget and then the number of people on the guest list can be established. Since it's possible the bride may have several bridal showers, it's important that a guest list be targeted and not repetitive. In most cases the bridesmaids are invited to all the showers, as are the mother, mother-in-law, and relatives like sisters, cousins, and grandmothers but it's not mandatory.

Make a list of the responsibilities to be assigned and make sure to assign responsibilities to the hosts that are most qualified for the job.

I think getting the mothers to provide their guest lists is a great way to engage them. Depending on their personalities there may be some activity that might suit them well, like designing the invitation, doing a flower arrangement. Just ask the mothers how they would like to contribute. However, if they say they are not interested that's perfectly fine.

The easiest way to budget is by limiting the guest list. As I said above, the bride may want to have several guest lists if there will be multiple showers. All the hosts should chip in equally if it's been agreed upon that this is a joint event. In the case of one hostess, she should bare the majority of the expense, but if people offer to help out financially it's perfectly fine to let them chip in or pay for an expense like the dessert or the flowers.

I always like to give responsibilities according to interest or talent. At the initial meeting have people volunteer what they feel comfortable doing or what they are talented at. Then assign the rest to who ever is left. The lead hostess should take up the slack and do the things that no one wants to do.

Determine the type of party: Will there be other showers? How many? This will help hone the guest list and who's going to which shower. I do not think that friends should have to go to all showers! Most of the bridesmaids, mothers, and some relatives will want to go to them all.

*If this is the only shower then the bride and mothers should collect the list. I always give a cap, especially if you are on a budget. Think creatively about how you spend that budget... in other words sacrifice fabulous flowers for a few more guests. 

E-vites have become quite acceptable. There are some gorgeous sites, I like Paperless Post, and there are countless others online. The reason E-vites are so great is that they manage your RSVPs easily. It's one less thing to worry about.

Of course paper invitations are always lovely. I love Minted, they have beautiful and very artistic designs, and personalizing them is super easy. They also have coordinating décor, which makes it easy to pull the whole event together visually. So I really feel both have equal merit. In the case of RSVPs for paper, the lead hostess should have the responsibility of accepting and then keeping track the RSVPs.

Determine the type of party: Will there be other showers? How many? This will help hone the guest list and who's going to which shower. I do not think that friends should have to go to all showers! Most of the bridesmaids, mothers, and some relatives will want to go to them all.

*If this is the only shower then the bride and mothers should collect the list. I always give a cap, especially if you are on a budget. Think creatively about how you spend that budget... in other words sacrifice fabulous flowers for a few more guests. 

Everyone please RSVP! This is an age where people feel there is no need to RSVP, well there is. The hostess is planning a lovely party and the number of guests is imperative to make the event a success. Plus it's just plain rude. Having said this, , make sure, as the hostess, that you have extra everything in case people come last minute without a RSVP, just never mention that they did not RSVP. The hostess should move on and make everyone feel very welcome with a big smile and a warm hug.

Always remember this is the bride's party and she should be treated as a guest of honor. Other than asking for the guest list, she should be totally uninvolved and just enjoy the day. With this thought in mind, you should be able to put the bride first and any drama to the side. The rule should be if there is a problem no one should go to the bride with it, period.

Simply explain at the onset of the planning process that the bride comes first, she should have a lovely experience, and bridal showers should be fun. Reiterating this sentiment to everyone causing any drama makes everything clear.