Best Lines From GQ's Roast Of Alan Richman

• "All single women are different. All wives are the same."
• "This roast is like a gourmet version of the Milosevic trial. But with appetizers."

• "This is the smartest man. He grabs the ass of a waitress and wins a Beard award."
• "Jean-George doesn't give a f#ck you think he's a genius."

• "I have never done a roast in my life. Well, a roast of a person that is. Sorry, it just came out like that."
• "In 15 years you never call me once on your personal phone. You only call me on the GQ phone."
• "The 25 to 30 wines he has brought have been corked spent. He has spent about $50,000 on corked wines."
• "He drinks bad wine, he takes me to Costco, the guy is cheap."

The biggest insult Lettie Teague (let go by Food & Wine herself just a few years ago) let fly was that Richman never thinks he's wrong. Wow.

• "Twenty-five years at a men's magazine and he still looks like an extra on Law & Order."
• On what Richman taught him about being anonymous as a restaurant critic: "He taught me nothing."

• "He's the only person I know who went to the Vietnam War and speaks fondly about it."
• "Richman is neurotic, but I'M neurotic. I don't want to be as neurotic as Alan. He forced me to see a shrink."

• Takes the mike saying, "This is awkward."
• Says he was impressed and surprised that Richman agreed to appear on Treme, which Bourdain consults on, to get a Sazerac thrown in his face. In fact, he "watches the Treme Sazerac scene over and over and has a very special moment with" himself.
• "If you Google Richman, it says, "Richman is a douchebag."

• "After I said bad things about Alan, he called my restaurant the worst in the universe. Statistically that can't be true"
• "You will Google Santorum and find 'anal froth.' You will Google Richman and find 'douchebag.'"
• On GQ: "This is a magazine about picking what socks to wear."